The Silence Before The Storm

Unbelievable. It's almost surreal how fast this semester has gone by, let alone the entire school year. I guess it's because I'm getting closer and closer to graduating. Of course, I'm not particularly excited to be done here, as I'm actually thinking of staying here and getting another degree, but who knows. Also, I can't say that I'm really happy with my performance during my time here. Almost feels like a waste, except for last year when I actually did make quite a push to finish strong and I did just that.

Now, It's that time again. It's dead week here at ISU and everyone is crunching to make a last final effort to make the best of this semester. I, on the other hand, am probably not making as much of an effort right now. I have to say, right now is NOT the perfect to be hung up on World of Warcraft. It's already Wednesday and I promised myself that I would start at the beginning of the week to really push for finals. So far, I haven't studied any of my art history, the class I need to do the best on out of all my other classes. Also, I'm like about 2 assignments behind on my 3D animation class, which should be the one I would do the best on because that is my intended focus (go figure).

What happened?

It's like all of a sudden I got really lazy and am falling behind on a lot of things, and I'm more concerned on what is socially buzzing and video games. I really don't understand myself sometimes. It's as if I'm wanting to fail in life. It may also be because it's only a week and half away from summer break, which I should be thinking really hard about because I may need to make some major changes and work over the "break". Heh, this summer may not even really be a break for me. But then again, I have put all this pressure on myself. The situation that really concerns me is the effort of my parents for me to make it in life. Here they are paying all this money right out of their pocket for me to the have the chance of a lifetime they never received. I'm wasting it away playing video games and being lazy all day. I've had to ask for rent money for a couple of months because I'm just spending all the money I earn from work on movies, video games, and other items I really don't need.

It's very strange how I work and I don't think I'll ever fully understand myself. Not in this life anyways.

"Life is a lesson, you'll learn it when you're through" - from "Take A Look Around" by Limp Bizkit.

I have to admit, it's not like my parents really did any better. My mom is probably my main source of encouragement to really strive to do better. She's always pushing me to do my best and I feel like I'm letting her down.

My dad.....well, let's just say I'm not on good terms with him right now. I'm not really sure what he thinks of me, but really at this point I don't really care. I always feel like I have something to prove to him because he's really a skeptic. He's had his moments where he actually does seem to be encouraging me and we actually have a good time, but those times are rare and far between. Not to put him on the spot, but he's even been abusive at times, but I really don't want to talk about that.

*sigh*

So much to think about in such little time. It really doesn't make for happy blogs. As this final week of studying before finals winds down, I really need to get my shit together before it's too late and I get hit hardcore.

For all those who are taking finals either this week or next week (like me),

Good Luck :)

God knows I'm going to need all the help I can get.